do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just want to make out with him forever
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
