this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
