Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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