She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Shame - the story of my life.
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