and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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