I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
