can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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