....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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