I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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