3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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