Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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