4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
