Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
