i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
