maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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