Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
