I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
