we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had to cum in my sink.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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