Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am available for nakedness
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