I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up under a house in Key West
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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