you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
