I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
