There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize