'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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