I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
