I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
