When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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