I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
