Welp...herpes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
