this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
