I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
