dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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