i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
