Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
