At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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