I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
