k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
