i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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