LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
