I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize