I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
