I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
