I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
