New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
