Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
