using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
whose parrot is this?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
