I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize