Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
