I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
