I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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