FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
