whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
