I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just tell him i said nine months
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
