I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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