My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
