i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
