If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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