I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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