Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
