It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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