I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
