walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
