I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
