I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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