i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
