i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The uberlube is also flammable
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
