Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
