i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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