My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
