Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
