I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
